Pastor Bolaji Idowu of Harvesters International Christian Centre has sparked a significant online discussion with his recent sermon advising against dating while unemployed. His central argument revolves around the idea that financial instability clouds judgment and can lead to “hunger-induced” relationships, where individuals settle for less than they deserve due to their economic circumstances. He contends that unemployment restricts one’s options, making relationships appear more attractive than they would be if the individual were financially secure. This, he posits, can result in settling for a partner one wouldn’t typically consider if they were not under financial pressure. He likened this to negotiating on an empty stomach, warning that such desperation often leads to unfavorable outcomes and a “crumbs mentality,” where even small offerings seem satisfying due to limited resources.
Idowu’s message resonates with the practical challenges many face when navigating relationships while unemployed. The pressure to secure financial stability can be overwhelming, and this can manifest in various ways, including seeking companionship for financial support, consciously or subconsciously. Relationships formed under such circumstances can be fraught with complexities, potentially leading to power imbalances and resentment. Moreover, the lack of financial independence can hinder personal growth and limit an individual’s ability to contribute equally to the relationship, creating potential strain and conflict. Conversely, financial stability allows individuals to approach relationships from a position of strength and independence, making choices based on genuine connection and compatibility rather than financial necessity.
The pastor’s analogy of “negotiating on an empty stomach” highlights the vulnerability that accompanies financial insecurity. Just as hunger can drive someone to accept a less-than-ideal deal, financial desperation can lead individuals to compromise their values and preferences in relationships. They might overlook red flags or settle for less fulfilling partnerships simply because they feel they lack the resources or opportunities to pursue better options. This “crumbs mentality,” as Idowu describes it, can create a cycle of settling for less in all aspects of life, perpetuating a sense of inadequacy and limiting personal growth. Breaking free from this cycle requires a shift in mindset, focusing on building self-sufficiency and developing a sense of abundance, rather than being driven by scarcity.
Idowu encourages his congregation to develop an “abundance mentality,” where they visualize and strive for greater achievements, rather than being limited by their current circumstances. He criticizes limited aspirations, like simply dreaming of traveling to America, urging his followers to set loftier goals and broaden their horizons. This emphasis on personal development and ambition aligns with the idea that financial stability is not just about money but also about self-worth and the ability to pursue one’s passions. By focusing on personal growth and financial independence, individuals can approach relationships from a position of strength, free from the pressures of economic necessity.
The advice against dating while unemployed, though seemingly blunt, carries a deeper message about self-care and prioritizing personal development. It encourages individuals to focus on building a solid foundation for themselves before entering into romantic relationships. This foundation includes financial stability, but also encompasses emotional and mental well-being. By taking the time to address these areas, individuals can enter relationships with greater self-awareness, confidence, and the ability to make healthy choices based on genuine connection rather than external pressures. This approach ultimately fosters more fulfilling and sustainable relationships.
Ultimately, Idowu’s sermon encourages a proactive approach to both personal finance and relationships. It emphasizes the importance of self-sufficiency and encourages individuals to invest in themselves before seeking romantic partnerships. By prioritizing personal growth and financial stability, individuals can approach relationships from a position of strength, making choices based on genuine compatibility and shared values rather than economic necessity. This message, while potentially controversial, highlights the often-overlooked connection between financial security and healthy relationships, reminding us that taking care of oneself is a crucial prerequisite for building strong and fulfilling partnerships.
